Being a Grandmother

One of our grand-daughters' loves the story, "Cinderella", especially the Disney version where the fairy godmother makes Cinderella's wishes come true. She points at the godmother's picture and says, "That's my 'Tiki' ", which is what she calls me. My heart just about burst when our daughter told me that, because that is exactly what I want our grandchildren to think about me. After raising four children and always putting their needs above my own, it is one of life's joys to be able to grant wishes, no matter how absurd or sometimes outrageous those wishes seem to their parents. I think that I've earned that status!

My own mother was the epitome of the indulgent grandmother. Right out of the gate, she declared that her grandchildren were going to be spoiled rotten by her and until she breathed the last breath, she held true to her word. Mom had no siblings, nor any indulgent grandparents. What she did have was a gaggle of aunts, because her mother was one of eight daughters born to very strict German/French parents. The aunts and their spouses filled the grand-parent void and indulged my mother somewhat, but it wasn't the same as having real loving, prone- to- spoiling grandparents and Mom knew that. So, when our children came along, all bets were off and I knew as well as welcomed it. Mom and Daddy were wonderful parents and fabulous grandparents. We let them indulge our children and we looked to them for parenting advice.  My own grandparents, Mom's parents, had been the real deal. It's the way we are and I don't apologize for it. We love our children and when they have children of their own we spoil them, period!

Figuring out the parent thing is tough. You worry over every little thing and, of course, you want to do the right thing with your children. Everyday is a new challenge. Should breakfast be yogurt and fruit or eggs? Does he/she need a sweater or jacket? Is this fever worth a doctor visit? When should we begin potty-training? Is she/he getting the right care? Just the grooming rituals, like brushing their teeth was cause for ten deep breaths and a calming mantra. The food worries and battles over vegetables were enough to send me screaming into the street! Thank God, we were young enough to keep up with the daily trials! All of that and then there was school and a whole new set of worries and joys began. I wouldn't trade a minute of it, although at the time, the slogan for the bath product, "Calgon, take me away!" held a lot of promise for me.

The grandparent mode is a welcome relief from the grind of parenting! You get to leave the worries of the daily grind to your own well brought up children. Ice cream for breakfast? How about that on top of a brownie? Goldfish crackers with apple juice and a few Hershey kisses for dinner? No problem! The crackers are at least whole grain, right? Here's the big secret; It's their parents responsibility to feed them the healthy stuff, monitor their bed time, make sure that they brush and floss, get the required shots, and do their homework. I've been there and done that. As a grandmother, I want to be the Bibbity Bobbity Boo Grandmother who provides the haven and grants the wishes! Our children have their own ideas about child rearing and we both respect that, but our house is the funhouse where pumpkins _can_ become magic coaches! I think that after the years of struggle and grinding out the healthy stuff; I've earned that.

I look at this wonderful journey like this: There are 365 days in an average year. Of those days, we may have the grandchildren in our home, let's say, for the sake of argument, 25 times. If our own kids have done their parenting jobs well, that means that in the time span of less than a month, the grand-darlings get brownies for breakfast and stay up later than usual and magic happens! We all need a little magic, right? I want them to look forward to our magic days and realize that what takes place here isn't the routine of home but the grand ball where Cinderella isn't banished to her room and every young boy is Prince Charming. Referring to another fairy tale, if  I were writing the story of Hansel and Gretel, the house in the woods would be made of real gingerbread and together we'd eat the candy right off the roof and then dance in the woods in our jammies! Red Riding Hood would bop the Big Bad Wolf in the head and she and Grandmother would spend the afternoon making sugar cookies into wolf  shapes and happily eating them with cups of cold coke. You see, Grandmothers and Grandfathers alike are special people and they live by special rules. They have become more child-like themselves and know that there are some battles worth fighting about and some, well, not so much. Real problems and controversy can be left at home, but here in our special place the grand-darlings are all that matters for the little slice of time. My hope is that they will always remember, long after "Papa" and I are gone, that had our unconditional love and ice cream for breakfast. Dreams and wishes come true Bibbity, Bobbity, Boo!