Best Friends

Ok, the term "best friend" is a misnomer. Maybe the more important phrase should be "lifetime friend". Best friends shift with life. One minute the friend knows everything about you and ditto you to her, and then bam; life changes and you have to look her number up to tell her something important.

Lifetime friends are more rare and precious. They know where the bones are buried, who supplied the shovels and who put the dirt on the casket. I am very lucky to have a few of the lifetime kind in my friend arsenal. I really believe if I asked one of them to take out someone they might do it. That statement was a stretch, but I like to imagine it anyway.

Like tonight for instance; I called up a LTF and told her that Bauchmann would never be elected because she was on national TV today wishing Elvis a happy birthday! Today, by the way, is August 16th, 2011. Anyone with a brain knows that Elvis died on August 16, 1977! The LTF on the line understood right away the lunacy of the remark from Bauchmann, because 34 years ago it was with her that I travelled to Graceland and climbed the wall to see just who (besides us) had come to Memphis to honor The King. The event is etched into my brain along with the night we pushed my mother's car out of the driveway in order to sneak out for a joy ride in a much gentler Memphis of the late '60s. Life with a friend like that is bliss, sisters.

Some people only have memories of friends. The here and now ordinariness of their everyday lives are not worthy enough for sharing. They re-visit their glory days, drink a little wine and go home until the next gathering. I think that is sad. Days with friends should be ordinary as well as extraordinary.

I love that I can see or call my LTF and pick-up right where we left off the last time we talked or saw each other. One LTF has known me and almost everything about me since we were six years old. We don't let pettiness nor miles separate us. That is a LTF.

Is there a message anywhere in this? No, not really. I was just feeling especially low after being back in my growing-up home last week. This time we didn't climb any walls nor push a car out for a sneaky joy ride. What we did was enjoy each other's ordinariness. Oh, there was a, "Who's bossier battle?" which was not resolved by the time I left, but that can wait for another time. With any luck at all we can wage the battle for many more years.

Once again, I've been disappointed and hurt. Why do some people want to hate and continue to wound those who once loved and supported them? I may be able to answer the question, but even I don't like the answer. They are crazy. not just crazy in the usual way, but crazy in the mental-needs long- term therapy kind. Hate will eat you alive. Mental illness will do the same thing, but with mental illness you are so crazy that you don't see the pacman eating away at you. I'm not the crazy one here; just an observation after experiencing first-hand the craziness of a once close friend.

Letting go has made me stronger. Burying the friendship has been cathartic. Stepping back from the friendship has given me a new perspective. I see more clearly.

I now no longer care. Sad but true.

Loosing things and Moving on

How swiftly life can change! You are rolling along, the sun is out and life is sweet. Then a phone rings and Bam, change happens. A child is hurt and angry. It doesn't matter that he is a grown man. He needs his mom to make it right again and tell him that he will recover. He is alright, but I am not. The anger and pain for him hurts me too. I want to strike out at the person who caused him to lose faith in people. I need to tell him that he can trust again, but I cannot find the words because my trust is shattered along with his. Instead he is the one who moves on and trusts again. Me, I am still struggling;my wheels spinning in place.

Another phone call, another change, Bam! The sun has gone again. Summer will never be the same. Paradise is lost and so is our anchor. That place we hold dear to us is reduced to just another piece of real estate to haggled over like an item at a flea market. More lost trust and faith slammed and the hurt lingers on.

Dogs wrap around our hearts. We love them and care for them. Then one day they leave and there is a vast empty place in our hearts. Our minds know that they have left us, but our hearts cry out for them.

My heart hurts. I want to trust my friends. I want a place to gather my loved ones around me and watch the little ones build sandcastles in the same sand that their fathers and mothers did many years ago. I want to see Ginger run again and then curl-up next to me and sleep the sweet sleep of a happy dog. Sometimes change is good and then sometimes it really makes my heart hurt.